when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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