my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
