so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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