And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
