If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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