I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
