it hurts more in the daytime
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
