im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
