I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize
