Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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