very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
