i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
