Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
where does the pee come out of this thing
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
