Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
