There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
