maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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