Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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