i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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