Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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