he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize