i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
