I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
