She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
