He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
