I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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