Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
