Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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