If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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