yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
