i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
