The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
