Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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