i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
