I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
