Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
