Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
