Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
