Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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