On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
