Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
