hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize