the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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