I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
