I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
