what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
pop tarts are not kleenex
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
