; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
