His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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