um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
