I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize