yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
