That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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