my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
