If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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