sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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