So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
