look no pants
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
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