this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
