My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
