I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
