So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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