I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
