he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
