No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Never joke about your clitoris.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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