You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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