Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
porn star boner night. come get it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
