I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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