the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
