I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize